Saturday, December 25, 2010

The magic of 'old' Disney



As I take an extended hiatus from the constant drone of collegiate life, I find myself exploring things that I miss, desire, or am simply curious about. I found the clip of "When you Wish upon a Star", sung by Jiminy Cricket(Cliff Edwards, 1940), and just felt like sharing it. It totally warmed my heart. Such nostalgic, powerful emotion. The new Disney simply doesn't compare....I wish they would bring back the classic Disney, with its heartfelt richness, yet exploitative and dark themes. Kids in generations to come have everything sugar-coated for them...I'm sure Walt Disney would be horrified if he saw what the current 'Disney Channel' looks like(High School Musical, Hannah Montana, etc.)
I was rewatching The Beauty and the Beast and was shocked to see that in the one scene during that final, climactic battle on the castle ramparts, the villian(hunky baron-looking guy) actually stabs the beast on his side, drawing blood. We certainly don't see that in Disney movies nowadays! Another example, in Pinnocio, whenever he and all the children are taken to Pleasure Island, he is peer pressured into smoking cigars...! and the merry children he was with are all transformed into donkeys, consequently being whipped and kicked around by adults! Shiiiit. Think of the kind of parental censorship that would spew out nowadays. These are just minor examples, too...I remember being legitimately scared while watching those movies....yet so enticed by them. I know it sounds cliched, but the classic Disney will forever live on in my heart, and it's not just one of those things where the movies are relative to the viewer's time period, when he/she grew up watching them, thus having the nostalgic feelings associated with those films and dismissing the new ones...they are inarguably, just BETTER! better than the crap that we see now.

This doesn't just apply to Disney..."Hocus Pocus", "Return to Oz", and "Witches"...all of those childhood favorites from the 80's still stand as conventional children's films...yet are comparatively darker and much more sinister than anything Disney has produced nowadays. Crazy business.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Angry post


Let me start off by saying that last christmas I came to Barcelona, I didn't bother making any concrete plans with friends/people prior to flying over, as I was confident that I could call them and meet up with them with little issue. I was miserable. Spent the majority of those two weeks suck at home, or wandering about the city aimlessly. I am thankful for the several, non-flaky ass friends that I was able to see and enjoy my time with. Props to you guys.
This year seems to have hardly changed. I can't stand materialistic people. In this day in age, as an eighteen-year-old, I'm pretty fed up with having to accomodate myself for others. It seems like I always make plans in advance and they either conflict with other pre-existing plans or don't happen at all.

I've called and messaged quite a few people, and none of them seem to feel the need to reply or give me a specific time or day to meet, really. I'll list a few. SO, about two weeks before my flight, I messaged one of my closest childhood friends(whom I've known since I was about eight or so) to let her know I was going to be around for the holidays and, like every year, was hoping to see her. I post on her wall that I was here, and when we could meet up. No reply for a couple of days. I check her wall and see that she has been actively replying to other posts on her wall. Cool. Just this very day, (and its oddly coincidential that it occured on the same day) I am walking down Las Ramblas, the center of Barcelona, and see her walking with a group of friends. She recognizes me and I turn my head wistfully away, feeling justified. Seconds later, I find myself even more frustrated that she didn't bother calling out to me or seeing what was up.
Scenario #2. Going out to the clubs alone is something that I leaves me feeling empty and unaccomplished. I had a "thing" with someone two years ago, which proved to be fun, fulfilling, and introduced me to the kind of night life that exists out there. Ever since, I feel as if I've been trying to recreate(if not half-heartedly waiting to run into the guy, whom I met at this particular club)that, with someone else, save for the emotional attachment.(I was not who I was two years ago, thankfully, so this is customarily managable) There's a certain uncomfortability about sitting alone at the bar while everyone else is talking and having a good time and watching the shirtless twinky boys poledance. Dismally, the many guys that have approached me have yet to struck a shord. Once I make it evident that they're not my type, they don't seem to want to have anything to do with me. Not even socialize. If I could just be casually careened into their group of friends, the possibility of me finding someone I'm attracted to would broaden.
Dating as a chubby chaser implicates navigating your way through the internet world. Men online: A picture of your face will always say MUCH MORE than a picture of your dick. Especially when its within the confines of a square, pixellated box. There is NOTHING flattering about it. I don't care for it nor have I ever been turned on by such, frankly. I'm a bit disappointed with San Francisco in this regard. I went out to the street fair in hopes of meeting someone and all that went down was getting groped by a stranger and this impish-looking grunge/scene kid asking me on a date.

This is all I have to say for tonight. I sent out a couple of more messages out and am dejectedly waiting for responses.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Came across this on Yahoo! Shopping...one of the top 19 gifts nobody wants. The 'Peekaru'.



Seems oddly comforting, yet restraining. I don't know how I feel about babies being compressed to their mother's bossom. How are you supposed to eat without danger of food spilling onto fragile, infantile eyes? I wonder how you could walk around with that lump under your shirt...like a parasite wiggling on your stomach. Guess it gives mothers an excuse to cloak insecurities! "Hey, you look fat." "Ah, that's just my baby." Ingenious? Useless? LOL'ed?

Onward to the actual post~

Sleep, without a doubt, is the most endearingly valuable thing to a college student. Remember the times, as a child, when sleep was a negligence, and we had to be chased by our scolding mothers and put to bed?(bath time is also applicable) it's interesting how radically that dynamic has shifted, for I know I was one of those kids. Aside the periodic bouts of somnambulism, I always acted in strife of what my parents subjected me to. Sleep was a necessary evil that stole away the diversion and excitement of the day. And now, as I haul my morose, bleary-eyed ass out of bed for my 8 a.m. class every morning, I come to realize just how cherishable such a thing has become. A lot of students here at CCA seem to never have time for it. "OMG I totally pulled an all-nighter working in the ceramics studio..." I haven't found the need to do that just yet. TIme budgeting is always a safe alternative to downing a liter of coffee from night-to-night, meticulously working on a project. Admittedly, there have been moments this semester where I've been hastily cramming for a test or such, but I am proud to say that I am very content with my workload.

I'd like to close up this post by reminding you scarce, but avid readers that I am leaving for Barcelona at the end of this week, so....no calling or texting!

I'll be having to much fun, so "bear" with me. xD (~kidding....)

BTW I will be posting up artwork soon! Part of our final grade each semester involves a digital portfolio, which will force me to take pictures of my pieces, as opposed to scanning them on the crappy miniscule scanners in the lab, hereby saving them from camera to computer. Cool beans.

Monday, December 6, 2010

ReSERGence

Hey person(s?),
I goofed. My blog is back and piping fresh.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

displeased.

I'm shutting down this blog. Clearly, no one cares enough to give me feedback.

I'll be damned if someone leaves a comment, which would be the first.

Farewell.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Where I end and You begin


So... we're studying buddhism in my art history class, which as I recall was the one religion that really appealed to me. It kinda found its way to the back of my head after reading Herman Hesse's "Siddhartha" my freshman year, and didn't really think about it much until now. Buddhist thought contends that life is full of "dukha"; suffering. This suffering comes about in any form of attachment, whether it be(to use modern-day examples applicable to the average person's life) work, relationships, or any material possessions. In order for an individual to reach "nirvana", a state of ultimate enlightenment for which, essentially, the religion is based upon, they must rid themselves of the influence of "dukha" in their life. This involves a long process, in which the most devout followers of Buddhism(Middle eastern) will make their way through four hierarchal stages, starting as an apprentice and coming out as the enlightened buddha(just like the original Siddhartha Gautama did during the post-Vedic period)Note that I said "influence of" dukha, in which I mean one is not to disregard the sources of suffering completely(if you disregard your job, you end up on the streets!) but rather so, take it in indifferently. Now, as I apply it to my own life, I realized I used to become so worked up about the smallest occurrences...which are just minor things that I now take in stride, indifferently. I think that this spiritual outlook may be just what I need. Thoughts?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Sudden turn-around


OK, so I have good news regarding the drama. Today, a couple of hours ago actually, my roommates sent me to CVS Pharmacy to buy some toilet paper. I walk in, like always, and head to the back of the store. I scratch my beard(way too scraggly these days), and remember that I made a point to buy shaving cream, so I walk over to the men's hygiene section. I was perusing one of the isles, looking at shaving cream and shampoo(I swear this is just like a teenage sitcom) and I look up to find L standing there. A moment lapses were our eyes meet and then she runs forward and crashes into me, breaking out into this prolonged embrace. She buries her face into the groove of my neck and starts apologizing...(we stand there hugging a few seconds until I notice an old lady awkwardly next to us purposely rattling her shopping cart to get through. xD) So we break away, and leave the isle. Then it picks up as if nothing happened. As if we're still good friends who happened to bump into each other at the grocery store. We chat a bit about how she's doing with her "newer" group of friends and whatnot. Admittedly, I was unkempt, unshaven, and mildly hungover this morning so I wasn't in a great mood, yet talking to her made me feel energized again. It felt weird. It was like re-settling into a neglected routine.

So, I'm glad to say that it looks like normalcy has seeped in again. At least I'll know to be more skeptical when growing that close to someone. If she starts acting up again, I might have to think twice about completely canning the friendship. We'll see.

BTW...someone needs to do away with Katy Perry. She's squeaky, over-synthezised, and has the intelligence of half a negative peanut.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Drama


I went to a comic book convention today in SF. It was wonderful, I had a good time, and there were many trinkets/artwork/and just cool things in general to look at. But that was about it. I don't know why, but I came out of it somewhat unfazed. I used to get hyped up and excited every time I would go to an anime convention or comic book showing of some sort, but now...it feels different. It's definitely something that I continue to be interested in, it just seems to have lost its magic. I'm thinking that maybe the overexposure to art(going to art school) is making me want to take it in less and less. Or maybe my brain just misses the meticulous problem-solving we did in high school. Wow. I never thought I'd be saying that. Haha.

I need to vent. I had a falling out with a friend recently. A pretty huge one. For the sake of the friend, I'd like to keep it private and unanymous, using letters to represent names. Ok, so over the couple of months that I've been in college, I grew pretty close to this girl from San Diego, "L". We clicked instantly and she quickly became my best friend here at CCA. We knew everything about each other and became inseparable within the first couple of weeks. People thought we were a couple. (Practically every other guy at my school dresses metrosexual, so there is little differentiation). She played with my hair in public, and always wanted to cuddle when we watched movies together.
L was a little on the distressed side, as she was totally hung up over this boyfriend she had in Hawaii, along with some other emotional issues. I was always the trusted friend she would come to, collapse on, and spill her worries to. There were a lot of times where I had to hold her and comfort her. She could become an emotional wreck from one day to the next. People naturally come to trust me, I've learned that about myself, but this girl took it to quite an extent. We shared many a good laughs and had some pretty rocking times together, but it wasn't always such.

So we got around to partying. You know, doing the college thing. She had explained to me about being straight-edge up until her senior year in high school, kinda like me, and that there were some things that she had always been curious to try. And so we did. We let loose. However, In the morning, she would adopt this mopey, bitchy, bipolar attitude after having gotten drunk and/or high the night before. It was like she expected you to sit by her side and devote your all of your attention to her as she layed down on your bed, couch, or floor even, and would start whining about her life. She claimed to get these "natural highs" at random times throughout the day in which she starts acting all lackadaisical and not giving a shit about anything, but it was evident to me that it was more so as a result of the partying. I mean, clearly she couldn't keep her shit together. It was almost like being confined to an old couple's relationship...draining and demanding. There was an incident where I had arranged to meet a group of friends for kickball one Sunday afternoon, but ended up staying with L, who was half-asleep on my bed, whining and acting hazy, begging me to stay with her. That was only the beginning.
Another day, I invited her to my friend C's for brunch one morning. I had brought her in before, and they really liked her, but were still getting to know her. She walks in, politely greets everyone, and then silently heads to the living room. I come back after heaping a lovely strawberry-banana-chocolate syrupy waffle on my plate and find her passed out on C's couch. As before, she starts mumbling about not feeling too well and wanting me to lay down and massage her back. I sat next to her for a while, asking what was the matter and if there was anything else I could do, but she just kept prodding my side and asking me to lay down with her. I kindly told her no, I'm going to the front porch to have brunch like everyone else. She then tells me she wants a hug, so she gives me this long, drawn-out, overly tender hug. After several awkward seconds she slowly runs her hands down my spine and tells me I have a nice ass. Wtf. Random. (There were times where she made these odd, sensual movements that creeped me out a bit. Like asking me to lay down on her bed to "study" or something and ends up putting her head on my chest and half-caressing me. I don't mind it....just kinda odd.)
Anyways, as it turns out, the next day she professed to having snorted ecstasy the night before and apologized for her weirdness at C's house(which was nothing new to me at this point, it just seemed to be affecting her little heavier than usual). A little taken aback, I told her I felt that was something she couldn't handle and consoled her about it, so we mutually agreed that we would both abstain from doing any hard drugs.
Not a week later, we were invited to go with this stoner crowd (that we partied with occasionally) to a rave here in Oakland. Seeing as I had quite the plate-full of homework and had already gone out the night before, I opted not to go to the rave. L went and told me about it the next day, when we were at the De Young Museum in SF with some students. She said she had a lot of fun, and that she had a "pretty wild" night. For some reason, one of our friends that had gone to the rave wasn't talking to her much and giving her the cold shoulder all throughout the museum visit. I asked her about it and she said she had no idea. Nevertheless, I could tell she was being her usual post-partying self, complaining, falling asleep on my lap on the BART, etc.

I later come to find out from Friend B that L had taken two tabs of zanex the night of the rave. Hmm. A little peeved, and feeling somewhat betrayed, I show up at her dorm room the next morning(which I was supposed to meet her at anyways to go to the Castro Street Fair with). I confront her about it, she picks herself out of bed, hazy and irritable. (It was about 3 p.m., mind you.) I guess I chew her out about it a little extensively, but that's only because I cared about her and didn't want this to become an "every weekend" kind of thing. She told me to stop lecturing her and that she was "too tired" to go to the Castro Street Fair with me. Great. I leave. I don't hear from her for the rest of that Sunday.
I decide to text her on Tuesday.

"I'm sorry I griped at you. Can we make up?"

No response.

Several days later I am heading to the computer lab to type up a paper, and choose the path that passes next to her dorm entrance. Coincidentally, I see her opening the door and walking into her residence hall with a pad of canvas and some rulers. I sprint a bit to catch up with her.

"Hey, can I come in for a second?"

"No, I'm busy working."

"Please?"

*slams door*

I text her a couple of days later, saying "Hey, you wanna come with me to the YMCA and check out that lifeguarding job you were interested in? We can go to the korean market later :)"

No response.

About half an hour later, I decide to go grocery shopping. I turn a corner and come face-to-face with her, walking alongside the stoner crowd. I wave. Nothing. Hardly a smile.

It's been two weeks. For a change, I decided to wander over to Friend B's room this last Friday, to see what that whole stoner/druggie crowd was up to. Friend B said that the rest of the group was out at this golf course(their safe alternative to toking/drinking in the dorm room), which was their common gathering place at night. As expected, L was there, sitting content amongst them as they passed around a blunt. She was acting loopy and unconscientious, laying on her back and talking and staring at the stars and giggling. She was also constantly running her hands through this guy's hair(not that I gave a shit, I was starting to feel a little asphyxiated at her being all over me). She always played with my hair. So we all go back to the dorms, with her making an effort to avert eye contact with me. We all just kind of crash in Friend B's room, while she promptly asks a couple of them to go with her to the next room. (okay...) Annoyed, I text her once again.

"Can we please talk?"

She responds, "About what?"

"Are you serious?"

"No"

I head back to my apartment and call it a night.

Today I was walking to the grocery store and I find her sitting on the curb, with the other stoner kids. She glances up, baked out of her mind, and absentmindedly looks away.

I'm starting to think that this is futile, and I should just forget about her. As enjoyable, yet asphyxiating that she made my first two months here at CCA, things are starting to make much more sense to me. I love her, just as I love all of my friends, but it looks as if this dilemma is out of my hands. I don't need or care to have a drug addict in my life. I can foresee her come crawling back to me, as that has happened a couple of times, when we got into minor arguments before, but I don't know if I can tell her to go fuck herself without caving. We'll see.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I'd like more followers...how do I go about this???

I know that a a lot more people read my blog that don't have an actual blogspot account(Claire and few select others >:-[ ), therefore preventing them from being listed as under my followers/friends list/whatever the social network categorizing for this site is...I realize it sounds vain for someone to just want more followers, but...what can I say? it seems like that's the only thing that speaks for itself in this internet world nowadays...plus I'll know that I'm not wasting my time dispersing tidbits about my life to an unresponsive public. I'm just wanting to share with those that are willing to be my 'followers', really...This isn't like the people who add you on facebook just because they happen to go to your school or be within your network, and then don't bother to even say hello or smile when they see you in real life. That irritates the hell out of me. I'll make an effort to stimulate the giving and receiving of feedback with my followers, and hopefully won't end up feeling like this is purposeless, otherwise this blog is tragically predisposed to fail like the one on myspace.

So, I was a little disappointed with last night's GLEE episode. I almost want to say that they casts atheists in an unintelligent light, as if they're the ignorant ones, not the bigots with delusions of a greater power. Like the acupuncture?? that was so random. There's no scientific proof that acupuncture is an accurate, safe medical practice...if they were really trying to present the whole atheist vs. religion argument, which was clearly the theme of the episode, they could have backed it with something more substantial. I dunno...just seemed like a weak, unsupporting idea to throw in. But then again, anyone could argue that kinda stuff is only relative to Chris Colfer's character. As you watchers know, there was tension running between the members of the GLEE club that believed they could improve the situation by praying for Kurt's dad, and then Kurt himself, who ardently dismissed it all and sobbed in a corner, behind the glass of the hospital room his dad was in. Ugh. SO Hollywood. The heavy emotional backdrop was a little too cheesy for my taste...especially when Rachel broke out into her melodrama about acceptance and whatnot. Bleh.
Nevertheless a great show. I just hope it doesn't amount to them relying on cameo appearances to keep the hype going...plenty of room to lose some steam after Britney.

An update on me. I've been a little stressed out lately...haven't been getting enough sleep, hormones are raging(naturally), and still looking, searching, passively harassing employers, for a job. *sigh* it's just a continuation of last summer.
Another thing that's been bothering me(not really, just mildly curious as to how the scenario will play out) is the gay roommate dilemma. Sadly enough, I've been warming up to him, we've been hanging out, cooking for each other, going to the YMCA, etc. even though I know it's going to spill sooner or later. I know where he stands on the issue although I'm not entirely sure as to how he will react. He doesn't seem like the aggressive type of devout christian but I could very well find myself in an awkward position, if it isn't awkward enough already. If anything, he'll promptly move out of the dorm(they can't force me to move out, otherwise I can file for discrimination) and hope I get as much as a smile when we cross paths on campus. That's it. He can accept me or haul ass and pack his shit and leave. Simple as that. Losing a friend comes second to keeping my dignity in tact, thanks.
Which brings up another issue...this cyber-bullying, harassment, and general disrespect of LGBT youth needs to stop. I'm so over it. Having been the only openly gay student this past year at Highland Park and having dealt with fundamentalist parents in the past I can definitely attest to fending off some truly shitty people and being brought down by their sick, self-concocted negativity. Go and have yourself educated before you speak...if God hates anyone, as you claim, it's you guys. Contradicting the very essence of what you preach. *fumes*

I'd like to end this entry on a lighter note, so please take a moment to settle your sight on the lovely image below. Thanks.



~~BTW where are all my artsy SF bears at?? I'm too shy to approach you guys. ;)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Just dropping in


Javier Martinez, an inspiration to us all. [All-around badass. wut, wuuut.] I thank you for the years of mentoring in both poetry and life. You've crafted me from being the timid, geeky freshman kid who got drafted into your team to a full-fledged slam poet/prose artist whose not afraid to express his ideas. I could hardly bring myself to the microphone back then. There have been some rough patches and dragging membership quotas but overall, it's been both a memorable and growing experience for me. I'll never forget it.


So...onward to more recent things. College has been great. No adjustment issues whatsoever. I realize its been about a month since my last post. Now that I'm finally here, in college, there is plenty I'd like to talk about, but there are some dumplings that I left cooking back in the apartment, so I must bid a speedy farewell. Later~~

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


The one and only Ellen Page, looking all cute and chic. Just randomly felt like posting this on here. One of my friends brought up an interesting probability regarding the talented young actress. Could she be LGBT? there's never been any sightings of her with a guy and she has never proffessed to have been dating anyone. As an ardent Ellen fan, I've done my share of web-scouring and I haven't come across any tangible evidence of such. Being familiar with her transitioning career from backshelf indie roles to mainstream hits, appearing in roles such as Inception(2010) and X-Men:the Last Stand(2007?),it would be unwise of her to undisclose her sexuality. She didn't seem to struggle much in fleshing out her "butch" side in Hard Candy and Trailer Park Boys. Anyways, it's all just speculation. I could be well over my head.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

OK, so I am beyond tired of all of these flaky scholarship websites. Last night I received an e-mail from Hispanic Scholarship Fund indicating that I wasn't elligible for any of the scholarships I had applied to 6 months ago(it wasn't last minute, I filed ahead of time to ensure that I would get them, mind you) ...3.7 GPA, graduated from Highland Park(ranked 12th in the nation), and wrote 3+ remarkable essays for each of the scholarships. Additionally, I filed the FAFSA, tax returns, everything, as required. Anyways, it pisses me off. It's not right. I applied to not one, but three of their scholarships, and I wasn't elligible for any of those. That's ridiculous. Hispanic College Fund pulled the same shit, indicating that I wasn't "in financial need". That's amusing, because last time I checked, I live with a single mother who currently works in two teaching positions so she can pay the rent for our condo in Highland Park. The annual tuition at the school I will be attending is 32,000, plus other costs(such as living, supplies, etc.) sums it up to a total of 50,000 a year. I guess I have to be dirt poor and mexican to qualify. I can't imagine any other reason. Fortunately, California College of the Arts has some pretty generous scholarships available, in which I was able to narrow down the cost to about 2/3rds of the original sum. That, and student loans.


***on a much lighter note, I came across this(see below) the other day. God damn I want to hit that. I just wish someone would have jabbed the camerman on the back of the knee. Hehe. *sigh* there's a couple of more screencaps of him on that same site, in which he's wearing a little sweater vest and nothing else. ><



PLAYLIST~

If I Ever feel Better- Phoenix
Step Into My Office, Baby- Belle&Sebastian
Eh, Eh, Nothing Else I can Say- Lady Gaga(this has been, and continues to be my favorite GAGA song~)
On the Wing- Owl City
Love on the March- Belle&Sebastian
California Girls-Beach Boys(the ORIGINAL. Not shit-face Katy Perry's version)
The Tourist- Radiohead
All We Have is Now- The Flaming Lips

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

First Post~


Hello, all!
I have decided to start a blog to chronicle my experiences in college(or dating up to, as I still have three idling weeks to sit through). If you have taken a personal interest in me, and wish to know more, I guess you can always peruse my past entries on the blog I have on myspace. It's safe to say that this new blog is in a sense, a continuation of the one on myspace, but centered especially on whatever mishap or gratuitous moment I may encounter during my preemptive college life. First off, I'd like to state that writing, in practice, keeps me alive. I feel like I've lost some steam since the close of high school(haven't written anything this summer, really...) and this is an excellent way to keep it up. An overarching motive for me starting this blog is to write in a periodic and consistent manner, like a 'brainpower fueled by writing' kind of excersize. Furthermore, I also ask my assumed readers to bear with me if any entry may seem substanceless and/or irrelevant. Aside from that, I have always felt that writing creatively is one of my fortes, and not taking advantage of such would be a waste.

PLAYLIST for this week~

Sphagnum Esplanade-The Shins
Umbrella Beach-Owl City
We Looked Like Giants-Death Cab
1901-Phoenix(the best song on that album...hands down. I dare you to disagree with me~)
Turn on Me- The Shins
Invincible-Muse
Do You Remeber-Jay Sean ft. Lil Jon(one of the few rap/hip/hop songs I will ever listen to)
Are You a Hypnotist?-The Flaming Lips